SWING!
So on this one glorious sun filled day, i pinned up my hair, put on one of my favourite dresses, some new shoes and a beautiful new marc b bag and hit central London for a morning of Pancakes, The Bloggers Market, a spot of shopping and general goodness, and it felt GOOD. I live for the days when I wake up with a spring in my step and the desire to go forth into the world with a strange kind of happiness, a happiness that radiates and glows, and as much as I’d love to have these days…. well daily, real life sometimes has a way of making you feel not-so-great. . Let’s talk about beauty, representation and the media shall we? For a long time I don’t feel good about myself, and although my parents instilled the whole ‘be strong’ mentality into me from a young age (gotta love that tough Nigerian parent love ey?), i began to falter in my teens. I think a mixture of having the boy of my dreams at age 13 and a half, actively tell people to laugh at my large nose, my full lips, my flat chest and my skinny legs at school (i have never fancied a guy with braids since then), and realising the hard way at university that to some people black = ugly (more on this on another long post but for today lets keep it short and sweet). It wasn’t until maybe 2013, that I truly knew what self love meant.
THE CHANGE
The carefree black girl movement was one of the things that really helped me on my road back to loving myself, because for once i saw black girls who were not ‘the norm’ and I guess ‘alternative’ or even ‘geeky’ in their beauty and it made me smile and cry and smile some more because for a long time, black girls who didn’t fit the criteria of, looking ethnically ambigous with loose curly hair, and light skin, were not considered beautifully globally. And whilst there is nothing wrong with lighter skin, and looser hair, questions should be raised as to why that standard of beauty pertaining to black women was (and still is) so… Westernised? For me seeing women with skin as dark as the night and hair that was more kinks than curls moved me and it still does, for example, when i saw that Lupita Nyong’o was the face of Lancome, a huge beauty brand, i almost cried, because seeing a black woman, who hadn’t been airbrushed lighter, or had their features changed to look more western made me so happy. Here was someone i could relate to, here was someone with dark skin, and kinky hair like myself collaborating with a brand that actually catered to darker skin tones?!! I’m so happy that the standard of beauty is becoming more inclusive, we still have a long way to go in regards to brands and the bloggers they work, especially in regards to beauty but that’s another discussion for another day, but we’re getting there slowly but surely and I’m hoping that one day if i ever have a little girl, that she won’t feel ugly or ostracised because of the darkness of her skin, the fullness of her lips, and the kinks and coils of her hair the way i have in the past.
So, this has been an outfit post, celebrating the fact that i am starting to feel good in my skin, fully, unabashedly, and so should every single one of you, regardless of how you look on the outside, let’s try to start loving ourselves in all our flawed glory a little more. As always have a blessed week, and don’t forget to be kind! (Also let me know your thoughts in the comments!)
DRESS – PRIMARK (old)
BAG* – MARC B
SHOES – ASOS
BELT – VINTAGE
EARRINGS – TOPSHOP
x
You look so pretty, love your hair!www.cassiedaves.com
Thank you Cassie! x
Love that Sade. You are stunning and black is BEAUTIFUL… Don't you ever forget that x
Thank you my love! <3 x
Amazing post girl! I too can remember feeling this way back in my teens, it's definitely character building. We should do a video together on this!
Thank you KB! And a solid YES to that video! 😀 X
Ah I love waking up with that mega spring in your step feeling!I want to give you a huggeeeee happy cuddle and take you out for coffee and talk all about this. I'm nodding along with everything you've written, Sade – it's bonkers and makes no sense and it's not something I've ever understood because I think the way you look is beautiful. I wish I could time travel to talk some sense into that stupid boy at school – little did he know what harm he had done! I've always found it creepy and boring and damaging that all the makeup and perfume ads in shops and online are for very 'Western' looking women – no matter where you are in the world! It's always creeped me out that visiting somewhere like Turkey has adverts everywhere with models with blonde, loosely curled hair on very fair skin, with blue eyes… as if it's something to 'aspire' to with the inference being that ONLY that is beautiful. How bloody boring! How very sad!I remember seeing Lupita Nyong'o in the Sunday Times' Style Magazine when I was up in the Lake District and I couldn't stop looking at the same article over and over again while I ate breakfast. I hope you do have a little girl one day and we'll all be on here commenting about how flipping wonderful she is, inside and out!:)Florawww.hardyandhay.com
Thank you so much Flora! You've always had a wonderful way with words and your comment is no exception 🙂 I'm glad the media is becoming more and more inclusive in regards to women and marketing. It's so wonderful to see things like The plus size movement and the Carefree black girl movement and the strong beautiful women behind them flourish! <3
Loving this look – you're just so gorgeous!! And that gif is just perfection! xx
Thank you Alex! That gif caused me many frustrated tears so im glad you appreciate it haha! x
That dress is almost as beautiful as you!Check out an article I wrote for Flavour magazine called 'Black is Beautiful NO matter the Shade' about colourism http://shanika-says.blogspot.co.uk/2014/11/black-is-beautiful-no-matter-shade-my.html Shanika ~ shanika-says.blogspot.co.uk
Thank you Shanika! And thank you for linking your piece! There's still a huge issue of colourism within the black community, and although we're making strides in levelling the playing ground we still have a long way to go in regards to remove the negative associations we have with darker skin and 'blacker' features! x
Gorgeous outfit. Joy is the best medicine in life. Mary http://www.popgoesfashion.com x
Thank you Mary! x
You are such a pretty girl, and I wish nothing but joy for you all through your life, because you wear joy very well :)Berry Dakara Blog
This is so sweet! Thank you Berry, I wish you the same! 🙂 x
Dear Sade, I've been reading your blog for a while and I'm not sure why it's taken so long to comment, but this post really spoke to me. I too have struggled a lot with my self image growing up as a young black woman in the UK and can relate to the comments about my nose, lips and other 'black' features'- you can't help but feel that you stand out when you're only one of two black people in your school! Anyway, 2015 has been the year that I embraced these features rather than battling against them. After over a decade of relaxers, I decided to transition to natural in April and have set myself the goal of big chopping at Christmas. I can't wait to rock my natural hair as well as you do! Sorry for this mini essay, but the gist of it – I owe you a massive thank you for your part in my journey as you, and other bloggers such as Kristabel, Shope and Shore have been instrumental in changing the way I view myself. Thank you beautiful lady and best wishes,Cee xxp.s. I hope you take Kristabel up on her offer of a video collab, that would be great!
Ah, this is so sweet!
Hello Cee,I'm going to be honest and say I shed a tiny tear when reading this (sorry im a highly emotional person hehe!) But you have no idea how happy this made me today! One of the reasons I continue to keep this blog alive is for comments and feedback like this. I am SO excited to hear about your hair journey, and how you're beginning to feel a little better in your skin. Sending you big big hugs! and yes! We're going to do the video 😀 P.S, always feel free to drop me an e-mail If you'd ever like to chat!Lots of love!xo
I totally agree with you, and I totally love this postgafashion.blgospot.com
Thank you so much Grace :)x
I love this post .. Self love is so important but how can we learn to love ourselves when society is constantly trying to fix us. Love this x x thekerenhappuch.com
Thank you so much Keren! Yes we really do, we're all perfectly and wonderfully made the way we are :)x
Whatever skin colour we all go through similar feelings of low worth and I can't imagine how hard it is for you when the media is fecking hard for everyone. I wish things were more simple and less trivial. You girl are BEAUIFUL, not because of your skin, your hair or face or fashion sense but because you care. You can see in these photos you are a happy and lovely person and it radiates off you. I hope in time things keep improving. Lots of love your red head bloogy friend xxxxx
Thanks Paige 🙂 I'm so happy that tides are changing and people are learning to radically love and enjoy themselves. It's hard though, and not only in regards to physical beauty, but your worth as a person. Let's hope that in a few years or so we'll see women of all shades, shapes, sizes, religions and ethnicities celebrated and cherished around the globe :)x
What a WONDERFUL post. Living in London really opened my eyes to different cultures and ethnicities and I tried to constantly ask everyone questions about their background, since Scotland isn't very multicultural. I wanted to try and understand everyone just that teeny bit better, since I am as lucky as it gets- an English speaking white woman! In terms of politics and the media it's as good as it gets.Thank you for reminding me I still need to be aware of the whitewashing in advertising and all kinds of other industries. It's easy for me to miss, since the people looking back at me usually look just like me. We all struggle with how we look but some people have other obstacles, not just the little voice in their head telling them they're not pretty.Also, you're a total babe, as always xxxx
Ahhhh thank you so much for you comment Lauren! I really appreciate you listening and being more aware of what's going on <3 P.S Thanks for not derailing the convo and going down the "All women feel bad, not just black women" route 😉 Big hugs!x
Your dress, you…so beautiful!
Thanks love! x
I'm so glad to here you are feeling more confident and happy in your own skin. The world is tough for young girls and I cN imagine even more so if your not the standard white skinny girl. You look fab honey and I love your hair! Laurenlivinginaboxx | bloglovin
Thank you Lauren <3! x
Great post!So inspirational.You look super cute in this dress.xoxo
Thank you so much!x
This is such a gorgeous outfit! Can never pull off stripe prints but you look amazingFeel free to check out our latest post xLOOK LOVE WEAR
Thanks!x
You're such a goddess! I can't imagine how that must have felt, the only remotely similar thing for me as a white girl would be glasses – got teased about them a lot, so now that big hipster frames are all the rage, it's nice to see more women everywhere wearing glasses (though not so much in the media).
Thanks Hana! And never feel bad about your glasses! Us gals who wear glasses are the bees knees ;)x
That gif! I loved reading this – I actually related (albeit loosely!) to a lot of what you mentioned here. As a British-born Chinese girl that wears glasses, I've struggled a lot on and off with my self-confidence and how I view myself. I struggled with what I now know to be racist comments when I was at primary school, people loudly mocking or insulting me in public assuming I can't understand English or telling me to 'go back to my country', and then with all sorts as I began to wear glasses. Now that I've moved to Hong Kong for work, I struggle with people here openly calling me fat or chubby (I wear a UK size 8 for reference) because I'm an hourglass shaped gal and oftentimes girls here are fairly straight up and down. I sometimes – no, often – feel at war with myself because I'll never be anyone's ideal whether at home in England or here! Great post Sade – how have I only just discovered your blog?! 😮 x
Thank you so much for this Michelle! I love hearing other perspectives from other women especially other WOC in the UK, I'm so sorry to hear about the teasing in school 🙁 But sadly for most of that come from immigrant families it's a common occurrence. And i'm so angry to hear about the teasing in Hong Kong! I hope you're putting people in their place for making you feel anything less than wonderful! Sending you big hugs in solidarity <3x
beautiful post Sade, it did my heart joy to see your little dance at the end 🙂 – xLavinya Royes – Fashion & Lifestyle Blog
Aw thanks girly! x
You are so stunning Sade. Love this post and the photo at the end is gorgeous <3 x
Thanks Lesley! <3
I love this post, you look beautiful!!!!www.tukesquest.com
Thanks Tuke!x
Beautiful beautiful beautiful post Sade – you are an absolute light and important voice in the blogging community <3
Aw thank you so much for the sweet words my lil mermaid! <3x