On: A Few Things Friendship Has Taught Me This Year.

The tips of my fingers were starting to feel a little numb from the cold and with it, I could feel the flickering embers of irritation being fed with each minute of lateness that my friend incurred. I huffed and puffed, pacing slowly outside the station, pulling out my phone for some semblance of an update and … Nothing. She was late. Again. I wondered if I should carry myself and my approximately £20.46 worth of immaculately applied makeup back home, but then I remembered my promise of being more patient this year and I sighed, put my phone back in my bag, crossed my arms and waited. She eventually came bounding towards me with a colourful flash of braids, a bright jumper and a cheeky smile, shouting “I’m sorrrrrrrrrrrrrry!” in a voice that doused the annoyance in my chest and ignited the love I had for her. She linked my arm promising to be on time next time and sealed the deal by buying me a flat white.

You see I am an early bird by nature. I have about three alarms set every morning ‘just in case’. I get to work half an hour early each day, ‘just in case’. And I am almost always exceptionally early to just about everything ‘just in case’. I am a planner by nature, a magpie to details, diaries and decisions. My friend, on the other hand, is more of a go with the flow kinda gal – something I’ve never been able to do. She blithely rolls out of bed whenever and just hopes for the best, sometimes she hits the nail on the head and sometimes she doesn’t, and whilst being late isn’t the best trait, I do think opposites have a lot to learn from each other. For example, I’ve become less militant and a little more flexible with timekeeping because of our friendship and in turn, she’s been working on getting to places not only on time but slightly earlier – Brilliant right?! In this, I’ve learned to chill out more and become more flexible.

Imposter syndrome has been a losing battle for me over the last year, and my current life situation has heightened the feelings of fear, not being ‘intelligent’ enough and not being worthy of the space I’m taking up career-wise. It became so bad that I almost talked myself out of Architecture all together and thought about throwing in the towel once and for all, a very wise friend of mine who is currently killing it as a super successful and mega confident lawyer gave me some solid advice regarding my situation, saying that it is in the challenge that one grows and I’ve been trying to remember this every morning as I commute to work. It’s a daily battle between myself and my mind, but I’m trying not to let imposter syndrome stop me from progressing in life.  In this, I’ve learned to try and not be so hard on myself.

As you hurtle through your mid to late twenties (particularly as a woman of African descent), the recurring question that people seem to ask is ‘Are you dating anyone?’ and ‘When will you get married?’ followed by a lot of unwarranted advice along the lines of changing yourself to attract a certain type of partner. By now I just laugh it off, because for me whether or not a partner is in my future isn’t that big of a deal, in fact, my friend and I (An incredibly inspiring guy) were discussing love and finding love in our friends and family first and foremost. It completely blew my mind and made me rethink how I love the different people in my life, a lot of the time when we get partners, we tend to focus all our energies on this person and neglect the ones who were there before them. His enthusiastic and genuine love and care for the friends in his life made my heart warm with affection and I was reminded of how lucky I am to be a part of that love. In this, I’ve learned to remember to love my friends the same way I would love a romantic partner.

I’m forever trying to better myself, and for me, the best way to do this is to surround myself with people who inspire, challenge and love me, so here’s to the friendships that are slow burning, infused with inside jokes, up’s and down’s, arguments and makeups, here’s to the friendships that are instantaneous, electric and charged over last-minute coffee dates, here’s to the friendships that are filled with reciprocal concern and energy, here’s to the friendships that set up conference calls at 11:30pm on a work night to discuss the strategy behind approaching someone your friend fancies, here’s to the friendships that are filled with honest tears and then in a split second racuous laughter. Here’s to friendship.

What I Wore…

DRESS* – &otherstories | TRAINERS – new look | SUNGLASSES* – &otherstories | EARRINGS* – &otherstories | BASKET BAG – lekki market | WATCH* – shore projects

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