Here’s One I Wrote Earlier.

It is 23:28 pm and I am on a flight to Istanbul. My mouth feels like a cavernous desert, arid and crackly. My eyes damp with a mixture of “I miss you already” and a heated exchange from the hours before: a blazing standoff between two very different, but very similar women. I sigh realising, it has only been eight days into the New Year and the air is already thick with palpable tension, tired bodies and unsaid words that lay just on the tip of our tongues, ready to roll off with the slightest intonation of enmity. I want to write and write and write and write on this flight. I want to jab the paper with my pen and let the ink bleed off of the pages. I want to transfer all of this pent-up energy into something, something good. I want to sow these seeds, fertilize and see.. something, pregnant with purpose. Carthasis. My favourite word. It rolls off my tongue too – Much like the words I spat angrily and half meant earlier.

With little sleep under my belt and my head and heart pounding rhythmically to the beat of one too many plastic tumblers of wine mixed with three cups of coffee, I eventually close my eyes and I think. My eyes spill over with tears, not happy or sad tears, just tears. I exhale “Whooooooosh…” and thicker and faster they fall, blurring my vision and then leaving me with a sense of clarity and vision for the remainder of the year. I glance over at my phone, registering that something is playing quietly in my ears, it’s ‘Oceans’. I feel my eyes well up again and this time I smile to myself.

“I feel like I’ve just flown 600mph head on into the most beautiful metaphor of my life. If you fly high enough, if you get above the clouds, it’s a never ending summer”
– Caitlin Moran (How To Build A Girl).

Communication is said to be the key to life, and sometimes, just sometimes I think it is. Communication, unwavering love, kindness, humility… And the strength to say, “I’m sorry” and truly mean it with every fibre of ones being. Here’s to, brick by not so boring brick (Paramore reference), rebuilding and restoring relationships, after all, we’re only human.

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